justice pals

From bryandscott74.
Jane Wiedlin!
Chef Tony!
The Worm!
Punky "O"!
Justice Pals!!!
Episode 1: Electrifying Danger.
Justice Pals! Quick, there's trouble afoot! Our arch nemisis Pancakehead has used a giant dough-hook to drag high-voltage lines into the city's water supply, shorting the power grid, and allowing all the criminals to escape prison! Jane Weidlan, we'll need all your headbands to subdue the ne'r-do-wells. Worm, you'll slime all alternate escape routes so they'll have no footing with which to flee. Punky "O", play our sweet sweet kickin' Action Theme Song on your Ramone-autographed Les Paul sixstring while I bake up gingerbread body shields to protect us! There's no time to spare, LET'S. GET. COOKIN'.

New Pet Sciences

From spiderdan.
Alright. Now. As you know, we here at New Pet Sciences, LLC do not belive in the euthanization of animals. As you might expect, this presents certain, shall we say, uncomfortable, situations for families, like yourselves, when the family pet has matured much past it's prime. So. I'd like to re-introduce you to your beloved Bucky. Say 'hi', Bucky. That's right. Ok, oh, don't cry sir, he's really just as loving and friendly as he's always been, just in a new package is all, and yes, he remembers you too. So as I was saying.. these are the tools that will be new to you. Gone are the peanut-butter kong and the watering dish, and gone are the days of amassing empty grocery sacks. Bucky no longer needs snacks or walkies. Now are the days of magneto-dynamic interactimazation. Instead of tossing a stick and yelling 'fetch', you'll apply this torque-enducer to the ratcheted harmonitigator, and WHOAH EASY THERE BUCKY! As you can see, he's quite terribly happy. In layman's terms, we've built a new box for Bucky's brain, and he'll now quite happily outlive you all. Any questions? Right then! Off you go, and thanks for attending "Thinking Inside the Box; Your New Old Friend and You".

green skull

From suzfernando.
Perhaps the oldest and most revered ceremony in my family is the Passing of the Green Skull. My grandmother passed the first green skull, this green skull, the halloween of the third rememberance of Autumn of Embarassment, which began when Uncle Frederic von Hasslebreckt commented on solstice dinner "What a load of rubbish; I make tastier delights between my toes". That was the longest winter our family remembers, when no one spoke until the third weekend of March. We tend to hold grudges. And now, because you told me I looked nice in that tone of voice, I pass the green skull on to you. May it smile ill upon all your endeavors. Say cheese!

my girlfriend

From carol_eller.
i have a giant tattooed girlfriend
who's very nice to me
when i look up to find her
sometimes she's hard to see
but now and then when the sun is out
and the clouds all drift away
i can squint just right
and with all my might
scream "i love you"
in that special way
and i know
way down below
i'm seen
by my giant tattooed girlfriend

one of promise

From flapjackboy.
I was of fitful sleep. It was September, 1977, and balmy, and it was like.. light went in, light went out. Just like that. Light went it - light went out. And I knew right then my life was going to be different forever. I was wide awake for once, but it was all dark, so I don't know what the light was, but I got up and went outside. I was led into the shrubs but it wasn't like voices or anything, just a pressure or an ache, and I knew I was being called unto the sacred place where I was to be shown the way. Pushing into the hedge, I could see in the shadows a glint, so I reached out and put my hand on it, and it was cold, but solid, so I took it, and it almost felt like it floated to me where it belonged. It was the One Of Promise, it was THE Purple Boot, and that's when I knew that from now on, I would be telling my story over and over and over again.

ceiling cat

From michaelparkerthompson.
What ceiling cat sees.

ready

From BBQN.
There are alot of things in this life that I am not. I'm not a coal miner, an agnostic, a spitfire. I'm not a priest or prophet. I'm not a Virginian. I'll never be a knitter or a baker. There's also alot of things I'll never do, and many places I'll never see. But this isn't about all that. That's all chaff. The meat in this biscuit is what I've gotta do right now. There's journeys all through life, hell, it's one big journey. But I dare say there's no journey more important or even dangerous than the one I'm about to take. Over shoes and cats and past barstools and lamps, I will make it to the front door. You can't stop me. Only a fool would entertain the thought of even slowing me. Between here and there is nothing but that which will soon be behind me. I need out of this godforsaken house, and neither armies nor mean beasties can change the fact of that little matter. I am, in every way shape and form, ready.

blind date

From MooGoo.
HI! It's me, Karen! The dating service did not specify.. you are much taller than I expected wow! I wanted to bring my iPod full of your favorite music to play while we walk around the city so we could share the earbuds, but then I thought how nice would it be if I brought some of my own favorites to share with you!! I have a CD for you, and some special herbs and spices my uncle prepared, and a cheese in a green bag; I made it myself from collected milks. I have this, my very best orange hoody that I will give to you once we're done with our date. I've waited for this night, oh for days, but it seems like months, I hope you like pork? Anyway, let's get started over at that shop. I feel like I'm doing all the talking! Tell me how are you!

alien invader

From xswishox.
I must admit that for the first time, I feel pity. Pity that I must destroy you. It is not jealousy nor is it covetousness; it is simply a shame that you must do as you do and that I must do as I do, and that THAT is the natural way of things. It's all I've ever known, really, it's how I've always been, and will no doubt continue to be, for, as I do take pause, I will not be hindered. You admire me. You do. You bathe me in warm light and photograph me in flattering poses, and that touches me deeply. And while you are not the first to have done these things, it is, for whatever reason, now, that I feel as I feel. Pity. Ahwell, enough rabblerabble; you have marinated for the prescribed time and you are sufficiently tender. In the name of Xxax Greenskin The Persistently Supple, I feast.

Section 8

From saintovbastards.
Angelica never could figure out why her petit-four themed bistro never really took off. Was is the choice in ambient music? Perhaps the furniture or feng-shui of layout.. or lack thereof? The decor was carefually selected and placed, the music chosen and ordered for effect. The ingredients all local artisan and fresh-as-fresh-can-be. The tables were dressed with tatted lace of handspun thread, all from farms in the country, which cared for the most organically hand-shorn and field-born sheep you could find. Something.... some.. little.. elusive.. foggy.. outofreach.. thing.. just wasn't on the mark. What could it be, what could it be....

little bunny Foojo

From libbylineen.
Hey yo so check it out right! There's this bunny named Foojo right rawr! He's all out one day happin' through the jungle and junk all rawr RAWR in the jungle see. And then like, every TIME he meets a mouse or something, he's all picking it up and wailing on his little braincan right, just wham-wham-wham, and laughing about it like a goon. And he's doing it like ALL THE TIME like doinit and doinit and doinit and doinit, right, just NOT letting up right, MAD crazy all kicking these mouse BUTTS all over the jungle. Then yo check it, the fairy godmother comes all floating down with sparkledust and mushrooms hahahaha and she's like BUNNY FOOJO WHAT THE HELL and swinging her wand like a fiend right. And rockin bunny Foojo's like RAWR I DONT CARE GET OFF MY LAWN SPARKLEBUG. She's like K WHATEVER GOON. And she's gone and he's RIGHT BACK AT IT. All laying out mad TERROR on the jungle. Then one day she comes BACK on him right, all BUNNY FOOJO WHAT THE HELL AGAIN, YA FREAKIN GOON. Bunny Foojo's like SCRAM YO. And it all happens over again see. Back at it, and she comes back AGAIN and I think it's like a Saturday and her day off, so she's BLOWN a gasket on punkrockin Foojo, man. WHAT THE FREAKIN FRACK FOOJO I'M SICK OF THIS YOU MAKE ME RAGE. Foojo punkbunny's like VVVVP!! WHAT DO I CARE NOT MY PROBLEMZ. And she winds up on him with her cane and frickity BANG man turns him forills into a goon. hahahaha I love that freakin story man. Foojo, man. RAWR.

keeping abreast

From elenor.
The early days of medicine are in hindsight littered with sadly obvious dead-end attempts at problem solving. Solutions once though 'cutting edge' are now looked upon as only distantly passable fixes for bodily troubles and missing appendages. Here we see what seems like a caveman-of-today; an artisan hard at work at his trade, which we now know to have more modern alternatives available to those in need. Fortunately, with the rapid advancement of communication, it probably won't be long before the knowledge and fortunes of pursuits in the basket-weaving industry find this local breast-augmentation artiste.

epic struggle

From di.hughes.
Gentlemen. In every man's life there are beginnings and there are endings. In between all those beginnings and endings are lots and lots of middles. Those middles will take you from the lowest valley to the highest mountain. That'll happen generally after a beginning, but sometimes alot closer to an end than you'd hoped for and planned out. What I'm trying to say is that you're at a very important beginning. You've got your red suits and shields, and with God's grace, all the skill I've beaten into you over the last couple of hours of this years' Medieval Club Parkinglot Symposium. Now. What you need to know is that now is the moment of truth. This is where you're going to match wits and strength against resolve and fortitude. I'm going to be well out of the way down by the snackbar with my vitamin water. In your hands is your fate. THIS BEGINNING IS YOUR FIGHT. THIS END IS YOUR HONOR. THIS MIDDLE IS YOUR BLOOD!!@#!@$#!@!! NOW GET OUT THERE AND EARN YOUR MANHOOD. IT'S YOUR TIME. IT'S YOUR TIME. IT'S YOUR TIME.