Idol

From Er Jesu.
I flew like only a million miles to get to the auditions. I AM the next Idol. I know you don't believe it, you judge me and my shoes or my tea or whatever it is that makes YOU uncomfortable. But I know I can sing. Michael Jackson trained me, in my headphones, every day for four straight years. No one else has those guns. I'm so walking outta here with a golden ticket. MI MI MI MIMIMIIIIIIIIIIII ahem DOE RAE MI FA SO LA DEEEEEEEE DUMMMMMMMMMMMM

Oh Tannenbaum

From aine25.
We eventually had to stop trimming the tree with little Milroy. Every year, we had to bend up a new hook to hang him from a branch, and he always overheated when put too close to the bulbs. He really did make our tree "our tree", but it became more hassle than the amount of 'festive' we got in return, so we went back to just candycanes and popcorn strings. Milroy, it turns out, did just fine hanging from the mantle and holding the stockings.

Dissent

From Extreme4you.
OK, MISSES STEPHENSON, I NEED YOU TO LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY
- WHAT?
WE ARE FALLING EXTREMELY FAST NOW
- WHAT?
YOU ARE STRAPPED TO ME VERY SECURELY SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT
- WHAT?
IN A FEW SECONDS I WILL BEGIN A COUNTDOWN AND THEN I'LL POP OUR SECONDARY CHUTE
- WHAT?
WHEN IT CATCHES WIND, WE'RE GOING TO GET YANKED A GOOD ONE, SO I NEED YOU TO BRACE YOURSELF
- MY HUSBAND IS A VERY.. JEALOUS.. MAN..
ONCE OUR SECONDARY CHUTE CATCHES, WE'RE GOING TO SLOW DOWN A GREAT DEAL IN A VERY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME
- KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF ME, MY HUSBAND WILL KILL YOU
MISSES STEPHENSON, I NEED YOU TO FOCUS
- WHAT?
FOCUS
- WHAT?
Oh God. JUST HANG ON OK
- OH MY GOOD SWEET LORD, IT'S MY HUSBAND. IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, HONEY, I SWEAR.
Never again. Never ever again. I'll never take part in this "Therapy Exchange" clusterbomb ever. again. BRACE YOURSELF MISSES STEPHENSON I'M POPPING THE SECONDARY...
- WHAT?

Reach

From caixapostal.
...and that beer looked.... THAT BIG to me.
Dude, did you break, did you snap?
I did not. I resisted. If I can do it, you can too, and you.... and you.
Friends, brother Danny is an example to us all. Which of us could resist a beer, like that? Not I. Not you either, I'd bet. That's just too much temptation for any of us. But Danny DID it. Did it. Didn't do it. Any way you want to slice it.
Oh... wait... I got something to say...
Brother Danny?
Yeah. The beer was that big, it was. And I resisted, I did. But..
Yes, but?
I resisted. And then I.. I.... Ok, check it.. the hangover was THIIIIS BIIIIG!!!

Grillin'

From SuperJason.
Ok, you know what. I was going to go into this whole scenario about this photo, complete with text-faked accents like "Hey TIM, you got that ass-sting-wisher?" and "Nahw, chief, better. Found Kurt's supersoaker gun." But I'm not going to do that. Instead, let's just look at this photo and enjoy it. Let us not overlook the supersoaker, the EXTRA tank of gas, safe but handy, by the door, the giant round thermometer on the fence gate, the ubiquitous bug zapper... um, pretty sure there's a second bug zapper on the right there as well. Ok so I don't think they're bugzappers, I think they're just lanterns, but I like it better when I pretend they are. I bet those lawnchairs pinch all hell out of the tender bits. And you know what? I'd totally hang with these dudes and burn some burgers, pound some brews. God bless these dudes and those they feed. Cheers, fellas.

Glare

From ●You are Peluche♥.
As the lamp glares in the window, I, glare through the windows, of my soul, my, eyes. Glare. Glaringglaringglare. At you. Stare. Staringstaringstare. Stare the glare. From heretothere. I. One. With you. Clear in the eye, clear in the glass, unseen, seen through. Stare. Into the glare. Here, I am there. *fingersnap, fingersnap, fingersnap*

Kangawho

From spicespykimo.
- Look! I find PANNNNDA!
= Baby, that's a kanga..
- Takeapicture, Takeapicture, Takeapicture.
= Baby. Listen, that, is a kanga..
- TAKE A PICTURE BEFORE THE PANDA RUN AWAY.
= Kanga..
- Takeapicture, Takeapicture. Takeapicture, Takeapicture.
= That, is not, a pand..
- HURRY IT RUN AWAY THE PANDA RUN AWAY TAKEAPICTURE.
= Kanga. *click* Roo.