SSZ

From cavergreg.

August 14, 1987
Billy, Steve, Carl, Jason, Matty, and me arrived at the SSZ around 1530. The trip was long but solid, and we were refreshed and pumped. Matty insisted on wearing his big red pants. Billy and Carl refused to discuss it, but me and Jason and Steve voiced our concern that while we understand that Matty thinks that red will keep him easy to spot by the crew, we think that's a very poor choice for cammo on this particular expedition. I pray that all our research on cryptozoological visual stimulus is well-founded. God bless us all as we enter the Sasquatch Sighting Zone. Updates to follow.

Towlie

From gruber_twins.

Hello. I will be Flooflah, your towel. I pray that with my absorbant assistance, you will find yourself dry and refreshed. To my right, expect to find the room phone, on which you can schedule a wakeup call. To my left, please enjoy a selection of movies and adult evening entertainment on-demand. A complimentary Continental Breakfast is yours for the ingestion in our lobby, and turn-down service is available upon request. Thank you for choosing Lay-Z-Sta, your Choice Comfort Suites' Regional Excellence Medal recipient 7 weeks running.

Skin of Her Teeth

From DerwaeOrNoway.

Skincare is the unsung hero of modern society. It is a documented fact that without the pretty ladies, the colonies would have never taken hold.. men would have lounged around the colony, being colonial, drinking up all the colony beer; but not shaving or washing or trying to spruce the place up, were it not for the promise of a visit from the pretty ladies. Jan, had very SPECIFIC feelings about the logistics of the mechanics of skincare. These practices were her own in design; inspired and crafted through wee hours of many a long night, with only the guiding light of her passion to guide her towards the glowing light at the end of the perfect skintone tunnel. Unfortunately, that had her, during the day, engaged in some fairly deep and unexplainable finger activities; yes, even sometimes over drinks during Girl's Night Out. But damn, she had skin like creamery buttery.

Sometimes, it beez like that.

From jaymeslabeille.

"Hey, Hershchel?"
"Yeah, Tony."
"I'm having what you might call.. ..trepidations."
"You mean, like a trembling sort of feeling?"
"No, that's not exactly it, really."
"Hmm well what do you mean, exactly?"
"Second thoughts."
"About."
"Yeah, this whole plan."
"So you're telling me, you're not on board with the plan here."
"That's correct. I, am not, on 'board', as you put it."
"We talked about this, Tony."
"I know, I know we did, and I know I assured you I'd be 100% fine with it."
"Yeah, Tony, that's exactly how I remember you responding when the idea was put on the table."
"Yep. And you're right, you totally are. BUT. The more I think about it, the less I think this 'Wu Tang - Killah Beez: The Musical' approach is really the ideal direction we want to take our community theatre... ...at this juncture."
"*sigh*"
"I should have mentioned this earlier, huh."
"Yeah, you really should have."
"Maybe we can just take the honey and run."
"No, Tony, no, we can't _justtakethehoneyandrun_."
"Sonofa."
"Just.. just.. GAH. Okay, Nigel, rotate."
"Righto, chap!"

Never Again

From vespeter.
Karen learned alot of things at college. She learned even more when she chose to drink. Sometimes, she didn't learn these lessons until after she sobered up, and got some time to look over last night's pictures. We love her, though.

Idol

From Er Jesu.
I flew like only a million miles to get to the auditions. I AM the next Idol. I know you don't believe it, you judge me and my shoes or my tea or whatever it is that makes YOU uncomfortable. But I know I can sing. Michael Jackson trained me, in my headphones, every day for four straight years. No one else has those guns. I'm so walking outta here with a golden ticket. MI MI MI MIMIMIIIIIIIIIIII ahem DOE RAE MI FA SO LA DEEEEEEEE DUMMMMMMMMMMMM

Oh Tannenbaum

From aine25.
We eventually had to stop trimming the tree with little Milroy. Every year, we had to bend up a new hook to hang him from a branch, and he always overheated when put too close to the bulbs. He really did make our tree "our tree", but it became more hassle than the amount of 'festive' we got in return, so we went back to just candycanes and popcorn strings. Milroy, it turns out, did just fine hanging from the mantle and holding the stockings.

Dissent

From Extreme4you.
OK, MISSES STEPHENSON, I NEED YOU TO LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY
- WHAT?
WE ARE FALLING EXTREMELY FAST NOW
- WHAT?
YOU ARE STRAPPED TO ME VERY SECURELY SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT
- WHAT?
IN A FEW SECONDS I WILL BEGIN A COUNTDOWN AND THEN I'LL POP OUR SECONDARY CHUTE
- WHAT?
WHEN IT CATCHES WIND, WE'RE GOING TO GET YANKED A GOOD ONE, SO I NEED YOU TO BRACE YOURSELF
- MY HUSBAND IS A VERY.. JEALOUS.. MAN..
ONCE OUR SECONDARY CHUTE CATCHES, WE'RE GOING TO SLOW DOWN A GREAT DEAL IN A VERY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME
- KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF ME, MY HUSBAND WILL KILL YOU
MISSES STEPHENSON, I NEED YOU TO FOCUS
- WHAT?
FOCUS
- WHAT?
Oh God. JUST HANG ON OK
- OH MY GOOD SWEET LORD, IT'S MY HUSBAND. IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, HONEY, I SWEAR.
Never again. Never ever again. I'll never take part in this "Therapy Exchange" clusterbomb ever. again. BRACE YOURSELF MISSES STEPHENSON I'M POPPING THE SECONDARY...
- WHAT?

Reach

From caixapostal.
...and that beer looked.... THAT BIG to me.
Dude, did you break, did you snap?
I did not. I resisted. If I can do it, you can too, and you.... and you.
Friends, brother Danny is an example to us all. Which of us could resist a beer, like that? Not I. Not you either, I'd bet. That's just too much temptation for any of us. But Danny DID it. Did it. Didn't do it. Any way you want to slice it.
Oh... wait... I got something to say...
Brother Danny?
Yeah. The beer was that big, it was. And I resisted, I did. But..
Yes, but?
I resisted. And then I.. I.... Ok, check it.. the hangover was THIIIIS BIIIIG!!!

Grillin'

From SuperJason.
Ok, you know what. I was going to go into this whole scenario about this photo, complete with text-faked accents like "Hey TIM, you got that ass-sting-wisher?" and "Nahw, chief, better. Found Kurt's supersoaker gun." But I'm not going to do that. Instead, let's just look at this photo and enjoy it. Let us not overlook the supersoaker, the EXTRA tank of gas, safe but handy, by the door, the giant round thermometer on the fence gate, the ubiquitous bug zapper... um, pretty sure there's a second bug zapper on the right there as well. Ok so I don't think they're bugzappers, I think they're just lanterns, but I like it better when I pretend they are. I bet those lawnchairs pinch all hell out of the tender bits. And you know what? I'd totally hang with these dudes and burn some burgers, pound some brews. God bless these dudes and those they feed. Cheers, fellas.

Glare

From ●You are Peluche♥.
As the lamp glares in the window, I, glare through the windows, of my soul, my, eyes. Glare. Glaringglaringglare. At you. Stare. Staringstaringstare. Stare the glare. From heretothere. I. One. With you. Clear in the eye, clear in the glass, unseen, seen through. Stare. Into the glare. Here, I am there. *fingersnap, fingersnap, fingersnap*

Kangawho

From spicespykimo.
- Look! I find PANNNNDA!
= Baby, that's a kanga..
- Takeapicture, Takeapicture, Takeapicture.
= Baby. Listen, that, is a kanga..
- TAKE A PICTURE BEFORE THE PANDA RUN AWAY.
= Kanga..
- Takeapicture, Takeapicture. Takeapicture, Takeapicture.
= That, is not, a pand..
- HURRY IT RUN AWAY THE PANDA RUN AWAY TAKEAPICTURE.
= Kanga. *click* Roo.