Orange You Glad

From gremionaked.
Alex and Andria were the best of friends and the most bitter of enemies. It was fate that they would find themselves at-nose-end at the Semi-Annual Citrustraviganza. Juicefacing is the oldest and most honored of traditions in their village which dated back to the founding fathers. As tradition has it, the winter of 1473 was unGodly cold and windy. Shelters fell apart, and food dwindled. At last, all but two villagers died, and all but one orange was consumed. Life-loves, the two affectionately remembered as Mamah and Papah, decided to share the fruit by mashing it between their faces, thereby ingesting its life-giving juice simultaneously. They lived, saw the horrid winter through, and the village was not extinquished. Today, Juicefacing is a spectator sport which is often wagered upon, and the winner shares the purse with local farmers. Andria emerged victorious, but the entire village won.

Scootimus Prime

From lepista.
Sometimes, "talking it out" just never settles the disagreement. Sometimes, you don't have to back down or apologize or take the last busted-down danish from the snackbar at work. And sometimes, a simple scooter just won't do. Sometimes. Your junk is effing cool. Sometimes. You win. And no one, not nobody, can say jackshit about it.

Beeing the Lizard

From satoyuka_windsor.
And the Rainbow Lizard that lived beneath the Red Tree of Creativity said to the Big Green Bee, "Big Green Bee, bring me THREE of the brightest red cherryapples that ever grew, and I won't eat you, and you can pollinate the Pink Shrub of Atonement. And the Big Green Bee buzzed away and DID find the three brightest red cherryapples that ever grew, and brought them all back, one by one. And the Rainbow Lizard that lived beneath the Red Tree of Creativity went "LAWD!!" and was pleased at the fruit. The Big Green Bee pollinated the Pink Shrub of Atonement, and buzzed back to the Big Green Hive and made gallons and gallons of the bestest tasting honey that ever was.

Emperical

From Lil Munki.
"Sir." *nod*
"We haven't thine droids! Begone ye scoundrels!"
"So you are aware of the rogue droids."
"Good sir knight, we knowest not of these droids which you lament."
"TK421, we need backup."
"Your words are strange, and we are but merry eaters of onions."
"You are wasting our time. Tell us what you know about the droids."
"Ye knave! Methinkest thou mayhap be taking yon Fantasy Fest a bit more than seriously?"
"Lord Vader will hear of your transgressions!!"
"Jesus buddy, knock it off... have a little less blue milk and a couple onion rings. Frig."
"Prepare yourselves for detention!"
"Seriously dude, dang, you're really screwing up our whole medieval gig here. Scram or something."
...
"The Emperor calls. You are lucky, lucky thieves."
...
"This place is covered up with loonies. Anyone seen my lochbar axe?"

Push It Real Good

From ::annie.
All of us are champions on the inside. A few of us are champions on the outside. Billy Strontinson is one of those of us whose championship shows. Billy is travels our world, from one monument of human achievement to another, leaving in his wake two things; awareness and record-setting consecutive pushups. From the Great Wall to Chichen Itza, Billy has pushed himself up dozens and dozens of times, honing his health, and reminding everyone that these great treasures are more than lovely scenery. I, for one, follow Billy Strontinson's example of achievement and devotion. Cheers, Billy, this cold one's for you.

Stars and Bars

From nycz'u.
The original Homeland Security Advisory System's threat level chart was not quite as descriptive as the one we have now. Today, we can all feel safe in the five color-coded levels, each clear and distinct: Green - Low. Blue - Guarded. Yellow - Elevated. Orange - High. Red - Severe. This was not always the case. In the late 1800's, all we had to warn us was the 4-bands of the old system: Shitty Green - No Problemo. BustedUp White - Mule Thieves. Sky Blue - Injuns. Plain White - God's Wrath. Now, we have radio, TV, the internet, and threat levels that light a clear path.

Am I Blue

From Todor Kamenov.
Well as it turns out, there was a period of about a fortnight when Imhotep fell ill to a mold-related intestinal bug. And for that two weeks, the whole of the empire of Ancient Egypt was under the thumb of Muah'hah'nep The Blue. Very little is known about his very brief reign, but as we can see from the hieroglyphic record placed upon this minute statue, we know that Muah'hah'nep was a ruthless and cruel follower of the anal-retentive pet monkey of Anubus. In the blink of the eye of history, Muah'hah'nep tidied up the royal chambers so deftly, that upon his return to the throne, Imhotep was vexed beyond madness at not being able to find ANYTHING that was RIGHT where he left it. Muah'hah'nep was, rightly, blamed, and soon thereafter, murdered. His body was not preserved by mummification, a process reserved for royalty, but was instead used to mulch the royal pampass grass fields, never to be seen again, and until now, almost wiped from the face of humanity's memory. We are indeed blessed by this tiny bit of the puzzle that is now in place.